Introduction

Rules are not made to be broken. They are meant to be respected. And by this, I don't mean the "rules of acceptable music" or whatever. As a librarian and appreciator of history, I must say that I am in constant awe of rules that need breaking in order to deliver the next artistic or literary wonder. These aren't the kind of rules I'm driving at. I'm talking about the rules of every day social interaction, or social code. I'm talking about good citizenship. When I was a kid, I collected many blue "citizenship ribbons" for being a decent human being. Lots of kids in my classes received these ribbons. Evidently, good citizenship meant something in 1978. So, what happened? When did we stop being conscientious and well-mannered toward our fellow persons?

I'm not a Christian. I'm not Jewish. I don't worship any sort of "god." I simply believe in a general appreciation of one another. If a kind driver motions for me to cross the street, I scurry like hell and wave my hands around in utter gratitude. This is my style. I don't expect pedestrians to be quite as emphatic, but at least make it look like you are making an effort! Please don't trudge to the other side as though your feet are stuck in giants vats of marshmallow goo, or worse, as though there is some sense of entitlement that forces you into this lazy, smug fucking stroll.

So, here is my first mission. It comes from a coffee shop worker in downtown Boston.

Miss R.E. Prisal,

I am a student at B.U., and like many students, I have a part time job. I dispense fancy coffee and sugary delights to the masses for a little above the minimum wage. Between school and work, my life is stressful enough. However, there's a pukebag who comes in everyday and talks on his cell phone while placing his order. I work at one of thse big chain coffee venues, so I can't just come out and challenge this behavior without fear of losing my job, or at least getting a talking-to from a higher up. Can you help me teach this "holier than thou" cell phone user a few manners?

Signed,
Coffee Dispensing Dude

Well, Coffee Dispenser, I've got to tell you that this type of person really steams my clams. I am already "brewing" up a few ways to deal with this problem. I'll be in contact shortly to stage the plan.