Mission 3: Route 2 Line Cutters, Part 2

I went to Google Maps, so I can show you all the area that our friend is referring to. I've attached a few labels, so that you get a sense of what these chowder heads are doing.

My first idea was to toss a few nails where the cutters are merging, but then I thought: What if an ambulance necessitated this access? I couldn't be responsible for this kind of tragic result.

My next idea was to make a complete ass out of myself by dressing up as Miss Manners, screaming at the cutters with a megaphone. I knew that I might be the receiver of many a middle finger, but the satisfaction I was bound to deliver to the group of rule-following citizens would be worth it.

I waited until about 8:30 AM on the next workday (as a librarian, I often work weekends, which allows me the occasional weekday off) before shoving off to the scene. I wanted to be sure that I embarrassed a good lot of these jerks and figured that this was peek time. I wore a gray suit with a white button down top and a pair of fashion thick-rimmed glasses (my vision is actually 20/20 to this day - something I am quite proud of). I found a pair of orthopedic shoes to complete the costume. I was going for a no-nonsense type of enforcer of social code and I thought this was the sort of ridiculous picture most folks conjure up when imagining such characters.

I pulled my car over to the breakdown lane, put my hazards on, grabbed the megaphone (my sister teaches geometry and there are a ton of them at her high school, so she let me borrow one) and made my way to the grassy island at the very nose of the on ramp. I got some looks, but I didn't let it bother me. I had a mission. The first violator saddled up beside a nice looking man in a Corolla. She had a real attitude, this one. When Corolla refused to allow her majesty in the Focus cut in, she began flailing her arms about. Imagine this? I saw this and immediately intervened.

Hey, looks like we've got ourselves a line cutter here! Missy, how about waiting in line like everyone else? Do you think you are special or something? Do you realize that your lack of patience and utter selfishness are going to cause some people to be late for work today? How about getting off the highway, looping around, and waiting in line properly?

Well, wouldn't you know. The good doobies rolled down their windows and gave me a thundering round of applause. I got approving whistles and thumbs ups from all. "Fight the Power!" I continued. More applause. The woman in the Focus did just as I predicted, but added a "Rot in hell!" to her bird flip.

This encouraged me to continue. I spent the next ten minutes humiliating bad drivers and as I walked back to my car, I handed out little bumper stickers that read, "It's Rude to Cut in Line" to all the patient folks. I figure, since I can't be there, I can spread a little of my spirit around to those who continue to cut.